If diapers were free, I would be sending my child to kindergarten in them and let the teacher potty train her.
My first child Sarah doesn't count. The girl potty trained herself. That shouldn't surprise you since she is the one that came out of the womb already reading at a 3rd grade level. I remember dragging her to the doctor BEFORE her 3rd birthday because when she was writing her ENTIRE name she made her S backwards and I thought something was wrong with her. I thought she might have dyslexia. Oh my gosh I was such an idiot. Now that I'm a teacher I see that kids in SECOND GRADE still sometimes make a letter backwards and it's no big deal. Someone please go back in time and slap my 23 year old self around a little bit for not giving the two year old a break on her backwards S. Seriously, one day I think I just saw her sitting on the potty and that was it. No more diapers. I'm like, "oh yeah! I'm so good....call me supermom...."
Then. I have 2 boys. I'm talking they were 3 1/2 years old and I started begging God to perform a miracle of potty training before the next holiday so all the extended family would not see me changing a practically full grown child's diaper. And God heard my prayers. But not until after that embarrassing preschool moment when I did try to sneak Jonathan in with a pull-up. I thought surely he would not doody in the short 2 hours he was there. But nope! I was found out. I begged the teacher to let him continue and "he-was-almost-potty-trained-I-promise-just-give-me-another-6-months." With Jacob I had to practically buy out the toy aisle of Dollar General to motivate him.
Now I get to do it all over again. And again. And again. I thought Elisabeth was potty-trained 20 boxes of diapers ago. This child makes nothing in our life easy and she's not going to help us out now. She knows how to go, when to go, what to do etc... but this is what potty training her looks like:
Potty training is just one big party for her. A mess just waiting to be made. Toilet paper is so much fun to unroll, shred, put in the toilet over and over and over. Its so much fun to wash our hands 20,000 times and use half a bottle of soap. Its so much fun to have mommy chase you around the house waving a pair of panties around. The one and only time I take her out in big girl panties she floods the aisle at Walmart. She is choking on a chip so she could purposely make an audience for herself - I'm letting the group of concerned grandma's standing around my cart know that yes, she was okay...and then WHOOSH...let the floodgates open. Bring out the mops and caution wet floor signs. It's going to be awhile before I am brave enough to try that again.
This is our conversation a couple days later. AT 4:00 A.M.
She crawls over in bed and pats my face
Elisabeth:" Mommy! Mommy! Tee-Tee! Go Tee-Tee!"
Me: " Just go in your diaper"
Elisabeth: "NOOOoooooooo - tee tee! toy-wet (toilet)"
Me: NO! It's 4:00 a.m.! Go in your diaper!
Elisabeth: NOOOOOO! TOY-WET!!
Me: "Okay, Okay... you will tee-tee on the floor at Walmart but get mommy out of bed at 4:00 in the morning to go in the toilet."
Elisabeth goes in potty like she has been doing it for years
Me: "Yay! What a big girl!!!" (roll eyes- fake smile)
We all have things we do really well as a parent and some things we don't do so well. I think parenting toddlers is one of the most difficult things in life to do (and then repeat for teenage years). It requires a massive, almost un-humanlike amount of patience. That un-humanlike patience can only come from one place - the Holy Spirit. Whether you are putting a diaper on your toddler this morning or big girl/boy panties (Okay - boys don't wear panties), or you are telling your teenager for the thousandth time to unload the dishwasher, or your battles are much much bigger (and I hurt for you) - As a mamma, we need to make sure we are putting on this every. single. day. It's our survival. It will allow our kids to survive.
"Clothe yourselves, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, with compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness and patience..." (Colossians 3:12)
And what's on my imaginary grocery list today? (because remember, I don't do grocery lists) - But of course, a box of diapers! Only 3 years till kindergarten.
