What I Do Know...

Well. It happened. AGAIN.  The contract has fallen through on the house. I'll leave out all the crazy dramatic details but it was a HUGE disappointment and setback. We got the call yesterday afternoon while I was still at school. We had just spent the week scrambling around trying to find a place to temporarily live and packing stuff up. We had no reason at all to believe this would not go through.

So after a major meltdown on my part - complete with crying, shaking, curling up in the fetal position under my desk (lol! just kidding) - I pulled myself together and tried to think through this rationally. First I have to give a HUGE SHOUT OUT to my husband who was so reassuring, so comforting, so freakin' calm. He just kept telling me "It's gonna be okay. God's still in control." And I'm just being all girlish and dramatic saying "I can't do this anymore...I am done...I can't go on..."  How he lives with me I do not know.  BUT - this HAS been an emotionally trying week considering this is the last week at the church and all and I can't bear in my heart even the thought of saying goodbye. And now I am just trying to understand what God is doing in all this because I totally don't get it.

But, after peeling myself off the ceiling and God just doing what he does best and calming my heart, here is what I DO KNOW:

God is still good.

God is still faithful.

This did not take Him by surprise.

He knows what he is doing with this whole mess even if we don't.

He is trustworthy.

He loves us.

He is orchestrating everything for HIS purpose.

And it seriously is okay.

 

So why am I completely flipping out over this house thing?  Yes, we would naturally be down and discouraged as we move in three months and ideally we want this house SOLD. I am emotionally strung out over all the events that have taken place over the last 2 months.  But I am so reminded that in the big scheme of things this is JUST a house:

 

 

We did not just find out our loved one has cancer.

We did not just have a child die.

We did not just have to give up our life for the gospel's sake.

We are surrounded by family that loves and supports us.

We have an exciting new ministry awaiting us in a few short months.

We have so much to be thankful for.

 

 

Stuff is just stuff. Life is disappointing. Life is not fair. It's like that if you are a Christian or not.  But the awesome thing is those of us who believe in Jesus have hope. We can rest and trust and believe that He is still in control. And it's a darn good thing he doesn't break his contract with us. Or walk away from the deal. Because then we would lose a lot more than a sale.

 

 

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will in Christ Jesus"

1 Thessalonians 5:18

 

"And we know that all things work together for good for them that love God and are called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28

 

"The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."

Job 1:21

 



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Only God....

WE SOLD OUR HOUSE!!!! I think I am still shaking! Y'all. We have had our house off and on the market for 3 YEARS... Three long years of de-cluttering, cleaning like a mad woman every time we had a showing, thinking we sold it and then having the sale fall through - twice. I could talk forever about the long, depressing drama about trying to sell our house.

The last time we took it off the market we knew we wanted to let Jonathan graduate from Mansfield High School. So we didn't worry about it for awhile. Then it was time to put it up again. I remember Chris pounding the FSBO sign in the yard and we stopped and prayed for the family that one day would inhabit this house. We prayed that we would sell it THIS time.  Nothing happened. Then a sweet Christian lady who was a new realtor that actually lived in Mansfield asked several times if she could list it.  We decided to go with her since she seemed to know everyone around here and was showing our friend's house left and right. 

At this point, the Lord was really impressing on our hearts it was time to leave the church.  That after years of struggling with the decision it was time. He was releasing us. Then the Arkansas Baptist Children's Home job literally came all together in a couple week period.  The only missing piece of this puzzle was that we HAD to sell this house.  Our new realtor was trying to be very honest with us and let us know what a tough market it was in Mansfield.  We know that.  I teach in our local school and our decline in students show that no one is moving in.

About a month ago, we were getting very desperate before the Lord.  Our kids were having a hard time with the uncertainty of what was going to happen with  our future, Chris and I were hurting. It was a Saturday night that I started my desperate praying to the Lord. For my husband, for my children, for our church,  for my house to sell.  And the most impossible hurdle to me was the house to sell.

This next little bit is going to sound crazy - but those that really know me, know it's not crazy - but something that probably had to happen in my life.  As I was praying that Saturday night - God told me to fast from Diet Coke (or any soda) until our house sold.  Everybody knows I am highly addicted to Diet Coke. I had not gone without one even for a day in at least 15 years. If you don't believe me, look at what is my cover photo on Facebook. Haha!  I am embarrassed to say I have never fasted before but I know fasting requires you to give up something and when you get the urge for it etc...then you use that time spent in prayer. I wrestled with God about it until 1:00 am. Then I finally gave it up.  I said, "Lord, this seems so small and petty, sacrificing my diet coke. But if it is what you want me to do, I will do it. I am trusting you with this craziness. Please help me not to completely flip out on everyone as I am going through withdrawals. I am trusting you to sell our house. Amen."  And from that moment I did not have another drop.  And it was HARD.  I had horrible head aches. I prayed like 50 times a day. I got depressed and I didn't want to eat because I had nothing good to drink with it.  Who wants pizza and water? I know most will laugh at me and think it's stupid but it was so real. Weeks started to pass. No movement on the house.  The desire for Diet Coke did not lessen. I told Chris even this past Saturday that I don't think that God is going to let my desire for Diet Coke go away because he wants to keep it as my continual sacrifice to him.  I am not saying this to draw any attention to myself. I am stupid. If something has this big of stronghold over my life I obviously need to get rid of it anyway. I know that. But  I want it to be a complete testimony to the awesomeness of God and what happens when you follow his voice - even if it is with weak faith like I had. Chris would wake me up before he would leave on the bus and we would pray for the house to sell. Our family and friends were praying for us. My Bible Study Fellowship small group was praying our house would sell. This house thing was completely bathed in prayer. And we were still doubting and discouraged and starting to formulate "Plan B" which was renting it.

Here is where the story gets crazy.  We resign the church last Sunday. Just one week ago. We know it is what God wants us to do. The same morning this young couple wins $200,000.00 from a scratch ticket at our little Mansfield gas station. It was huge news in our little town. Fast forward to one week later. Which is yesterday. Right after the morning service we get an excited call from our realtor saying the couple that won the money from the scratch ticket wants to look at our house - TODAY! It had started to snow, then sleet. We kept checking our phone thinking the showing would get canceled. We are cleaning like crazy.  To wrap this miracle up - they looked at the house, made and offer within an hour and we signed the contract that night. In the sleet, snow and all. It all came down in one short afternoon.  I broke out in hives.  We were shaking. We were jumping up and down and makin' all kinds of happy noises. We then prayed a prayer of praise and thanksgiving.  The circumstances around it are just so crazy to us.  And exactly 4 weeks TO THE DAY that I started my fast someone won the lottery and we sold our house.  My faith was so weak.  I prayed so many times and asked God to help my unbelief.  He is so good.  We just give all glory and praise to him. And it was just that final confirmation that even in all this difficulty and sadness of leaving the church, it was exactly what we were supposed to do and God is taking care of us.  Wow.

The few people that knew about this fast asked me if I went out and got a Diet Coke. Answer to that?!?! BUT OF COURSE!!! I told y'all the desire didn't go away! Haha!! My secret sister from church got me a pack of Diet Cokes and M&M's for Valentine's Day and  I kept it front and center of my pantry just waiting to drink it. And let me tell you, I enjoyed it thoroughly today.  :)    We totally give HIM all the GLORY!!!! Thankyou Jesus! YOU TOTALLY DID THIS!!!!

"Jesus looked at them and said, With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

Matthew 19:26

Kids and Cowboy Boots

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." ~ Isaiah 55:8,9

 

Those were the words my husband spoke last Sunday morning at the beginning of his resignation from our church. That was the moment when I didn't realize you could simultaneously have a huge knot in your stomach, tears falling silently from your eyes, yet your heart flooded with peace. We knew that it was time. God has released us,  God was telling us it was now time to move on. I don't know how you say goodbye to people that have become your family. 

 

When we came here almost 12 years ago, we told the team we were looking for a church and a community that we could invest in. That we could raise our children in. And before the weekend was over we knew this was our new home.  Now I can say this is the longest I have ever lived in a town. Ever. In my life. This is the longest I have ever lived in a house, attended a church....you get the idea. My kids have grown up here. I will have two that graduate from here. Anyway, I wanted to say all that so people would understand this is not your typical fly-by-the-seat-of-the-night youth pastor leaving. We have laughed with, we have cried with, and we have LOVED the people- not only in our church, but the community. So if you are wondering what the big Facebook love-fest that has been going on for the last few days is about, now ya' know. (Which we have read and appreciated every single word written and feel the same way.)

 

With all the highly charged emotional fall-out in our family that has come with us leaving, we have not had much time to think about, plan for, or be excited about what God is going to do in this next phase of our life. Today, God has "traded my sorrow...for the joy of the Lord." And I can say the same for my husband. The many sleepless nights we have had wrestling with this decision, the hours spent praying, the tears before the decision was even made, have been replaced with a peace that passes all understanding. With a hope of a new life. And it is time to look forward.

 

Today we actually enjoyed talking about our NEW home and ministry which God has seemed to literally drop in our lap! We will begin working June 1st for the Arkansas Baptist Children's Homes at their ranch in Harrison, Arkansas. They have 4 beautiful homes that houses 32 boys ages 6-18 on an incredible 500 acre ranch. We will be house parents to 8 boys.  This is a ministry of the Southern Baptist Convention so we will attend with the boys the First Baptist Church of Harrison. We have visited the church are looking so forward to still ministering in a volunteer capacity. The boys on the ranch attends all the services, and participate in all the youth group activities. Elisabeth will get to be a part of Awanas.  They even go to Siloam Springs church camp - Woohoo!!!!  (Chris is never getting out of camp!  lol)  We are blessed that Jacob has such a great attitude and is really excited about going. He hung out with the boys and got to play basketball with them. One set of house parents actually have a son the same age as Jacob!  Elisabeth felt right at home running all over the place...She will be the only girl (besides house moms) on that campus!!! We felt a connection with the other staff - and 2 sets of house parents are around our age. They have mission trips planned for the boys, we have daily devotions with them before they head off to the public school. That is one thing that impressed me the most with the ABC Homes - Salvation is their main focus for the child. And intense discipleship follows.  We have been group home parents before, way back in the day - when Sarah was Elisabeth's age. Then we were therapeutic foster parents for six years and Chris was a case manager for the Salvation Army. Then we went into full time youth ministry. This is like everything we have ever done combined into one job! So we have a good idea of what we are getting in to.  A lot of people have asked if I will be teaching.  I will also be employed with ABC Homes so I will be taking a few years off of teaching and get the privilege of just being a mom again (with a few more kids added). We know this kind of work makes a huge difference.  We still keep in touch (thank you Facebook for reuniting us all) with our Boys Town girls, our foster kids, old youth group kids - no one replaces the other. We love them all. The kids in our youth group now we have been with since some of them were in preschool. How do you leave them?!?!  Gosh, I can't imagine not being around them but I know that God has graciously and lovingly told us it's time to move on and will be giving us new boys to love and pour our lives into. We embrace this new part of our life with joy and anticipation of  what God is going to do through our family.  Not that we don't have some more tears still to come in the following weeks as our time at First Baptist Church, Mansfield comes quickly to a close. (Lump is back in my throat- ughh!)

 

But we smile as we think about our totally new life "on the ranch..." And I am so getting totally cute cowboy boots for my birthday in a few weeks. I took some pictures with my phone a few weeks ago when we were there on a visit.  I honestly fell in love with it and if it is this beautiful in the ugly dead of winter I can't imagine how gorgeous it will be in the spring! YeeeeeeHawwwwww!!!!!!

 

"But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 3:13,14