And you know, we can do that. Adults can do that. We are in the slowwwww process of moving forward with our ministry and our life. Just when I think we are making headway, I see some picture on facebook of a totally cool elementary classroom that I am no longer teaching in or have a late night conversation with a friend or get 3 TEXTS IN A ROW FROM DIFFERENT PEOPLE IN MY CHURCH FAMILY BACK HOME. ON A SUNDAY. BECAUSE SUNDAY'S ARE STILL HARD ON A LOT OF US. (Umm...I think I just might be in the anger stage of grief - I just noticed I just typed that sentence in all caps.) And I start another round of crying. Another round of questioning what God is doing in all this. Why did he move us? Hand my bitterness over to the Lord - again. My husband hugs me for the billionth time until the storm passes. And I know the storm WILL pass - it's gonna end up okay. We will look back a year from now and see how God's hand was in it all and we are exactly where we are supposed to be.
It's okay if life is tough for me. BUT I DON'T WANT IT TO BE TOUGH ON MY KIDS. I would take all their pain away and put it on myself if I could. I tear up just thinking about some situations my kids are facing and I want to yank them out of bed and hug them and kiss them and fix them a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (because food fixes most things in our family). Then scratch their backs until they fall asleep.
I cannot shield them from a hard life. From mean people. And OHMYGOSH KIDS ARE SO MEAAAAANNNN!!!!! (Notice my all caps - that is mamma bear anger seeping out on that one. Just thinking about mean girl stuff my daughter went through in high school still makes me want to show up in their high school life and yank their hair and tag them in nasty quotes on FB and give them a what-for. Because being that mature mom is so my thing.)
I cannot orchestrate their popularity.
I cannot protect their heart.
I cannot put them on a key starting position of their favorite sport.
I cannot find them the perfect job.
I cannot shield them from the ugly that goes on in ministry.
I cannot guarantee that their bodies will always be healthy and whole.
I cannot make their relationships better.
I cannot take away their pain and it's killing me.
After a recent difficult evening of watching one of my kids really having a tough time and crying out to the Lord on their behalf, the Lord gently but so loudly spoke to me. He reminded me that ALL of scripture is for them also. How God works at refining us in our adult life, he can refine them in their childhood also. That when he says ALL things work together for our good - he's working it out for their good too!
He is using the difficult circumstances in their life to draw our kids closer to himself.
Jesus says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers when you face trials of MANY KINDS, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so you can be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4)
What are some trials kids may go through?
* Moving - it mostly sucks for everyone. It takes time to adjust. And when you are in the adjusting phase, time.moves.very.slow.
* Sitting on the bench. Game after game. When they are in little league you are just sitting there thinking "what the heck man?!?!?! let them play!!! Who cares if they lick the dirt! This is not the Super Bowl!" You have your 2 or 3 superstars and the sport's life is a blast for them and the rest of kids/parents just get to sit and watch and try not to be envious of all the hoopla showered on them. (And trust me, it's not any easier once they start school sports.)
*Birthday parties/sleep overs etc that somehow your kid was skipped over during the invites. There is nothing like scrolling through Facebook and seeing some big party that your kid was obviously not invited too. Worse though? They see those pics also. There are no words of comfort here. Nothing like sitting alone on a Friday night while all your friends are partying the night away at the mall or in front of the Xbox with each other except you. And making sure Instagram had an hourly update of selfies at their particular partying place of choice. (A little advice: Most of the time I consciously make an effort not to post pics of events on social media when we couldn't invite everyone. Trying to be sensitive to the whole "kid left out" thing. )
*Mean kids in general. Teenage life in general. How teenagers survive I do not know. You couldn't pay me a million bucks to go back and relive them. If mean people don't make your teenager's life miserable their hormones will. And lucky you - Who gets to ride THAT crap train with them?
*Health problems. There is not a parent in this world that wouldn't take your child's ailment upon themselves. Except maybe pimples. That's when we say - "we've already did our time with pimples, now it's your turn so suck-it-up-buttercup."
*Divorce/serious family conflict. Oh gosh, isn't it the absolute worst when kids suffer from our decisions? No box of bandaids will fix that one. You will need extra counseling sessions with Jesus to make some heart progress in this area.
You have to step back and let God do his thing in your kid's life. And if you swoop in to ease every pain, every heart ache, intervene in every conflict - you are taking away circumstances that will allow them to develop their relationship with the Lord. I think it's one of the hardest things parents have to do.
But all you heart broken mamma's please rest in this and say this verse out loud with your child's name at the place where is says *YOUR CHILD* (not rocket science here).
"Fear not, for I have redeemed *YOUR CHILD*
I have summoned *YOUR CHILD* by name - THEY are mine. When *YOUR CHILD* passes through the waters, I will be with *YOUR CHILD*, And when *YOUR CHILD* pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over *YOUR CHILD*! When *YOUR CHILD* walks through the fire *YOUR CHILD* will not be burned. The flames will not set *YOUR CHILD* ablaze! For I am *YOUR CHILD'S* Lord and God! The Holy One of Israel, *YOUR CHILD's* Savior!!!!" Isaiah 43:1-3
Jesus is with your child in this tough time. They WILL survive this. That incredible love we feel for them? He loves them (and us) even more than that. He is carrying them close. He is allowing things to happen in their life that they can use later on down the road for His glory. Don't rob them of that.
I love this picture Jesus paints out for us in Isaiah 40:11
"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs (*YOUR CHILD*) in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young."
Not only is Jesus holding your kid close to his heart, he is carrying them through whatever trial they have ANNNNDDDD he is leading us as we take care of their tender hearts.
Isn't His love for all of us amazing? Don't grow weary of praying like crazy for your kids. And I truly feel for you all that are crying real tears into your pillows over the heart ache of your kids are facing. My heart aches for you. I want to hug you. And fix you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. But I will probably draw the line at scratching your back because that could get creepy weird.
Much love to you!!! Amy xxoo p.s. "My Twenty Fake Children" part 2 is coming soon. I have to throw in a few heavy blogs to balance out the funnies. Or you would think I am the biggest flake alive.
My heart that is walking around.
And finally after 18 years learning how to manage a pose for a decent family picture.
(Almost)
And only if life could just be THIS free - for all of us.
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