Last Fish Standing

Let me start this by saying we are not pet people. We are not even remotely close. So how I end up with so many pets I do not know. And its not like we take in these cute stray kittens, or buy a full-bred fru fru dog. We get our pets from the lake, from the street, and the latest one was rescued out of a locker in the HIGH SCHOOL BOYS FOOTBALL LOCKER ROOM.

We have our stray little dog Matty. And the stray dog we had before him was also named Matty. We can't even get original with our names. We give each pet the same name the previous one had. Who does that?!?! We've had Matty for over 8 years now. Its been the best little dog except that it finds any and every way to get out of our yard. All.The.Time. He's been escorted home in a police car. In which he rode in the front seat wagging his tail happily. We've had notes in our mailbox. "Your dog is running lose. Keep him in your yard." OH REALLY?!?! Like we don't know that? We've gotten tickets and warnings. His latest stunt is that he gets out of a hole in our fence, runs the two blocks to school, finds the hole in the elementary playground fence and hits the gold mine of little kids. Whenever I hear "Mr. B. there is a dog on the playground" come across the walkie-talkie's, I'm like "Oh crap! And drop what I'm doing and have to cart his little black and white rear home. So to all my neigbors I AM SORRY. I KNOW. We have fixed our fence. We have ghetto'd our yard up trying to plug up the holes. The dog is smarter than we are. He is a teenager. He likes to disobey his parents and run away.

Then we had slippy. The little turtle Jacob brought home from Beaver lake when he was 5. That we left in a bucket while we were at camp and thought was dead. Jacob prayed at camp for him to come back to life and he did. Praise God. That called for a big tank, supplies, etc... That turtle lived on our kitchen counter for 7 years!!!! When he died last year it was really sad. I will admit there were tears. FROM ME! We buried him in a little checkbook box in the front yard. For not being pet people, we are becoming pet people.

We got another turtle from Beaver lake. And I think we named him Slippy the 2nd. We might have tried to name him something else but we just call him Slippy. You know how some people are cat people? Well, we apparently are turtle people. Because the latest turtle we have is living in a HUGE plastic tub in Jonathan's bedroom. During football season there was a big ole' box turtle, in a bucket, IN A LOCKER, in the boys football locker room. JZ felt sorry for it because he is part of the weird turtle family. He brings it home in the front seat of his truck. He goes out and buys a huge tub, all this moss and decks out this tub that looks and smells like the Amazon forest. He keeps in at the foot of the bed. One night Matty tried to jump on the bed (in the middle of the night)and misses the bed and land in the turtle cage/tub. He can't get out. JZ wakes up to find Matty just sitting in the tub with the turtle.

Our latest collection of pets is the 11 goldfish Elisabeth got at Hallelujah night on Halloween. Actually, my little nephews and niece won them but my sister made them give the goldfish to E. (Thanks Holly). So we put them all in a bowl on the kitchen counter next to the turtle tank, where a Beta fish also lived. Most of the goldfish kicked off after a week. I don't think they could digest the cup of goldfish food E would throw in there every day. So I decided to put the last couple goldfish in the tank with the Beta and the turtle. After two days we were only down to one goldfish, Slippy the 2nd, and the Beta. (I think Jacob named him Killer.) Anyway, we had a big debate over which one ate the goldfish. We all thought the Beta did. Anyway, we started to check the tank daily to see who survived the night. The other day we woke up to find a goldfish HEAD floating at the bottom of the tank. And then, I kid you not, the Beta fish had completely disappeared out of the tank. Like, not a trace of Killer was found. I thought Beta's were supposed to be the ultimate He-Man fish. But not ours. He was a weeny. And we have one fat and happy Slippy the 2nd swimming around as the last fish standing. Except he's not a fish. He's a turtle. And for us not being pet people, we sure have alot of pet stories.

Some Things You Never Learn

It has been hard for me to decide how to actually get back into blogging. First, it's because E has picked like 15 keys off my laptop. I managed to get most of them back on except the "w", "c" and a few other ones that I am not sure what they are for anyway. Ya. She dumped out my purse and while I was picking up my purse she crawled up on the table and in 10 seconds flat all these little black computer keys were on the floor, table and in her mouth. Oh I had a come-to-Jesus-meeting with that little girl.  So if you notice some typo's you'll know why they are there.

Second, my very last blog was a week before we went on the Big Family Cruise. I could blog so many funny stories about that but it didn't seem quite appropriate to be funny when my poor husband ended up in the hospital for 6 days with heart problems the day after we got back. We weren't even unpacked, or had any food in the house, or even had more than 3 diapers in the bag when he went into Pro-med and didn't come back until a week later. The summer revolved around getting him back to health and finally cathing up on laundry from camp+vacation+hospital stay. So, things have settled down and it is easier to find the funny in life again.

I may back track one day and share a few cruise stories, and the endless E stories...But for now I'll just jump right in and tell about last night. When I temporarily forgot that I CANNOT CUT HAIR!!!! The first time I tried to cut hair was when I was in 6th grade. The night before school pictures. When I thought it would be cool to have Farrah Fawcett feathered hair. I whacked my hair off above my ears thinking somehow that would make the feathered look. It didn't. I'm STILL embarrassed to show anyone that picture.

Last year I went through this phase where I tried to cut Elisabeth's bangs. I remember the horror I felt when I just had to keep snipping and clipping trying to get her bangs straight until there was almost no hair left. And that was two weeks before Christmas. Every Christmas picture she looks like a complete dork.

Last night, Jonathan came to me and said, "mom, will you try and cut my hair with dad's clippers." Why I eagerly grabbed the clippers and said YES! I will never know. This was a cheapy little beard trimmer that I was trying to cut my son's bush of a head with. I thought if this would work I could really start saving us some money. He then tells me, "If this turns out you owe me $16.00." I'm like "what?!?!?!" He thinks that I will just give him the money I am saving from the hair dresser. I don't think so. I started up the clippers but whatever setting I was on wasn't cutting it so I decided to take the clipper part off. Bad idea. "Oops! Uh-oh! Crap!" were the only words that could escape from my mouth. He's looks in the mirror and says "Mom! one side of my head has a side burn and the other one doesn't!!!" And then one side of his hair was really bushy and one had a nice, close shave. But the worse was the back. I told him he looked like one of those little kids with ringworm on their head and the hair is missing in that spot. I am so lucky he has such a great sense of humor and we got a good laugh out of it. It was great mother and son bonding time.

To make a long story short, Jonathan could not go to school today until he got his hair cut. By a professional. And she did a great job fixing my botched job. So I made my son miss his first class today. I still had to pay for a hair cut. My bathroom floor still has hair all over it even after wiping it up twice. I think I have finally learned my lesson. At least for this year.

The butchered Christmas haircut

from last year

Do not let my mom get near scissors, clippers, razors....anything that could remotely be used to cut a piece of hair.

Sleepless Nights From Toddler to Teenager

Blogging after midnight. Because I just got my 21 month old to bed.  And to my knowledge, she didn't even have a glass of Dr. Pepper tonight.  Lately, that is my only alone time I get.  I just shook out all the gold fish crackers out of my covers, felt a wet spot and realized it was a spilled bottle of milk and then kicked last night's empty bottle out from my feet. (And why in the world am I letting her still drink a bottle at 21 months?!?!) My Ipad is dead thanks to the endless hours of watching Spanish and Russian cartoons at three in the morning. I finally found the computer charger cord that I have been looking for the last 2 days in Elisabeth's closet, that she obviously put there.

Last night she was crying hysterically and freaking out about either #1 she didn't like her pajamas or #2 she was having an appendicitis attack.  First,  (trying to avoid trip number 3 to the doctor) I am trying to appease her by changing her pajamas.  After many tears and hit and misses, she is satisfied with wearing TWO pairs of pajama pants at the same time and a polka dot short sleeve shirt.  Then she wants to go outside. Then she wants to drive around in the car. Mind you this is 10:00 at night.  And what do we do?!?! APPEASE HER BECAUSE DUE TO LACK OF SLEEP WE HAVE LOST OUR STINKIN' MINDS with this child and SHE KNOWS IT!!!!  We drive around the back roads of Mansfield with me shining my phone light in the back seat to see if she's asleep so we can have her permission to go home.

"Come on mom and dad! Get in bed! We've got shows to watch in twenty different languages!"

This is when I'm all like "awww....look at my sweet baby...isn't she precious???She hasn't done a wrong thing in her little life!!!"

And what Elisabeth is probably thinking: "SUCKERS!!!!!!"

****I interrupt this blog to once again apologize to any and every parent I have had a judgemental thought or attitude towards concerning your parenting techniques.*****

She has been showing signs of being ready for potty training.  Tonight she took a bunch of toilet paper and stuck it in the toilet (I'll take that as a sign). I sighed and said "She's growing up so fast..."  Chris looked at her and replied, "Will you just turn 18 already?!?!?!"

We have a 19 year old.  And yes, somehow it seems they go from 2 to 19 overnight.  Graduation was tonight and I can't believe we just went through this a year ago with daughter number #1.  The one who slept in bed sideways between us until she was three.  The one who nursed until well, she was old enough to ask for it. Child #2 and #3 got the short end of the stick 'cause we wised up.  Then Elisabeth comes along at the practically grandparent stage of our life and we are....we are.....I'm sure many of you observing our life with E (especially family) would just LOVE to finish that statement for me. :)

Tomorrow my big girl comes home with her daddy's truck loaded down with her dorm room that needs to somehow miraculously fit it her bedroom closet.  Tomorrow we are looking for our 16 year old son's first car which means he is about to hit "freedomville."  Sorry Jacob, you are almost 13 and  tomorrow you are stuck at home  with your boring old mom and dad and your baby sister who I make you give your Sonic ice to so she will stop whining and I can have a moment of peace at your expense. (You have my permission to resent me.)

But before we know it, Chris will be looking at Elisabeth and say, "You're 18 already!!!!"  And then him and I will do a high five and a happy dance while being very careful not to throw our hip out of place.  We will collapse in our wheelchairs and say, "They are finally gone...."  Only not really. 

~I will give my baby a bottle till she is ready to give it up (or she's in kindergarten - whichever comes first.)
~I will snuggle and watch "Masha and the Bear" (that's her favorite Russian cartoon for those of you who are not up to date on my facebook) at 3:00 in the morning while the rear end of her blue stuffed bunny pokes me in the face. Because I know that in a blink of an eye I will be texting her goodnight across hundreds of miles instead of telling her goodnight across the hall.
~We will drive around in the pitch black to calm our poor baby down because she is uncomfortable and can't quite tell us why.  Because before we know it she will be driving around in the pitch black late at night while we wait up for her! (As in, we are never gonna get any sleep.) 
~We will continue to pray over our kids every morning asking the Lord to give us wisdom in how to handle all their little ideosyncrencies.  To show them mercy when they need mercy, to show them firmness when they need firmness.  To heal their bodies, to make their minds strong, to protect them from Satan.

It's what any parent would do...And if you're really good - You have them broke from the bottle and  on an  night time schedule that actually works by the time they are a year old. So we're a little behind.....And being all nostalgic, and weepy because it's now almost 2 a.m. and it's graduation time, and I like to indulge in those weepy mom moments....I wouldn't change it. (*I fully reserve the right to delete that comment when she wakes me up in about 2 hours.)

It's Mud Pie Season

Seasons.  Springtime is here -wait, I meant winter is here...but that was yesterday, oh my gosh now I think it's summer! Let's drag out all our shorts and box up our winter clothes! What?!?! It's only 30 degrees today? Let me unpack my box of winter clothes.  Arkansas!!! What is up with your schizophrenic weather lately?!?!

Technically it is spring.  I personally love spring - it probably is my favorite season only because it follows my least favorite season which would be winter.  I wish winter was a two day season - lasting Christmas eve and Christmas day. The only positive thing about winter is living in sweatpants and hoodies and hiding all that extra "warmth" (technically called "blubber" if you live in the Arctic and you are a polar bear).  It's been such a rainy season this time around.  It's funny, we pray it won't rain so our ball games won't get postponed, and our field trips won't be cancelled.  In the summer, we hold revival type prayer meetings FOR it to rain so we can get a break from the heat, our crops won't ruin, our grass to come back to life. 

Well, all I'm gonna say is I got a 20 month old that is probably stormin' the gates of heaven with "Jesus! Bring on the rain!!!"  Nothing makes my daughter happier than a good mud puddle.  Or a lake about 4 inches deep that she can splash around in - preferably in our back yard. And lucky for her I am that kind of laid back (tired) mom that says "Go for it! Play in that mud! Drag your brother out there!" And I love the 20 minutes of peace and quiet I get while she happily splashes around and ruins three sets of clothes.
And she and I both are pretty darn lucky she has two brothers that pretty much give her what she wants.  And if they don't- well, she literally bites them on the head.

"Oh Jacob, why don't you come play in the back yard with your sister.  She really, really wants to play." (And I am seriously not wanting to get mud all over my clothes)  I think Jacob figured me out.

"Bubba is teaching me how to make mud-pie's! And yes, they taste yummy.  Because I like to eat dirt."

I can't raise a "girly girl" to say my life. She doesn't mind one bit that mud is covering half her face.

 "Don't even think about praying for this rain to stop.  It makes my back yard better than Disney World."

I have actually started a picture album on my computer and I just labeled it "mud 2013."  I have about 100 pics of her in the mud with whoever  I  she can con into playing with.  But I love it.  After a good solid night of rain we once again have a fishing lake in the back yard (it would be funny to put some gold fish in it and advertise our house with a "stocked pond").  I'll kinda be sad when spring is over and the yard is back to normal. And that will mean she will resort to finding a new way to make a huge mess - probably IN the house.

Life is centered around seasons.  The literal seasons and then the chunks of time we find ourselves in.  Some seasons are messy and hard or cold and dark and we can't wait for them to get over.  Some seasons in our life are beautiful and fresh - we have hit a good stride with our family or marriage or ministry.  Everyone is getting along, we have extra money, our ministry is showing results. One thing that is sure, good or bad, seasons change. Summer turns to fall, fall turns to winter....The bad doesn't last forever.  And unless you are the one person out of a million, the good doesn't last forever either. It's an ebb and flow. It keeps us dependent on the Lord.  Life changes. We just gotta roll with it.

Ecclesiastes  3:1-8

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven.

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep, and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

But oh my goodness.  As I am typing these verses out it hits me that good always follows bad.  Hang tough if you are in that dark time.  Seasons DO change.  It WILL get better. 

"Weeping may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning." -Psalm 30:5

And life according to Elisabeth is that  "messy, dirty mud makes the tastiest mud-pies."  The bad is what makes the good - oh so good!

The $20 Easter Egg

Holidays are always eventful at our house.  I think it's the whole 4 kid thing.  You would think Easter would be a highly spiritual celebration of our risen Savior in a minister's house.  And it is...once you get passed the chaotic getting everyone ready for church in their fancy clothes (with candy stains already on them by 8:30 a.m.), Easter grass all over the house, and 5 chocolate bunnies eaten for breakfast etc...

Easter started like this.  Jonathan wanted his first suit to wear on Easter morning.  We jumped all over that since his usual Sunday morning attire is shorts and his Aero shirt (vs. a t-shirt).  We rearranged our whole schedule for the week so we would NOT have to hit JC Penney's on the weekend before Easter.  We went Thursday night and found him a great suit, and Jacob a shirt and this really funky bow tie (his idea) -which is totally him and I love it.  I think we are ahead of the game until Saturday afternoon when Jonathan realized the security tag was still on his suit jacket.

The last time I tried to take off a security tag at home (once again a shirt from Penny's) I ended up getting this huge ink stain from it and ruined it.  If you are wondering what is in those hard plastic security tags it is black ink that will spray all over your clothes when you take it off.  Do not attempt at home.  So guess where we ended up ON Saturday? Yes. JC Penny. But Sunday morning they looked so spiffy and grown up I just wanted to cry. Totally worth it.

My boys are totally being dorks in these pictures but that is what I love most about them - their humor.

Got Elisabeth dressed right before we walked out the door. After I already had to cut a big wad of gum out of her hair. Sarah looked adorable as always.  I tried to get their picture together but I seriously couldn't get a shot without E having a finger stuck up her nose.

                        At least it wasn't in her bangs.  The girl has already got bang issues as it is.

Notice the photo bombers. 

Someone was trying to take picture at church and of course E had her finger up her nose.  So Chris and Sarah thought it would be funny to put their fingers up their noses. And of course as soon as the shot was snapped E took her finger out and there is Chris and Sarah at the front of the church with their finger up their noses.

My great aspirations of Easter dinner was pretty much chucked out the window.  I always get these grandiose plans and come up with all these fancy recipes only to throw a bag of frozen corn on the stove at the last minute.  My fancy green beans that were going to be little bacon wrapped "haystacks" and my baby glazed carrots are still sitting in the fridge growing mold.  The ham was a little over cooked but put a starving college student at the table and its the best home cooked meal you have ever made.

We always have an Easter egg hunt every year after lunch.  It started as candy and itty bitty toys and quarters in the eggs and that was the best thing ever.  Then the kids got older and I started putting in coupons like "get out of chores for a day" or "Pick the restaurant" or "Pick the movie" and that was fun for a few years. Last year I spelled out the word C-H-O-R-E-S and put each letter in an egg and whoever found the entire word would get out of their chores for an entire week.  (That was a huge deal because that is when Chris had his famous chore spread sheet attached to the fridge).  This year I was stumped at what to do since Sarah didn't have chores and wasn't around for a free sonic or whatever.  So I decided to hide 38 Easter eggs and I put a number on each egg with a Sharpie. Once all the eggs were found I drew a number between 1 and 38 and whoever had that egg would get a $20.00 bill.  Oh man,  attach a $20.00 bill to an Easter egg that would be hunted by a starving, POOR, college student and all I'm gonna say is watch out - GAME ON!! It got a little intense.  While Chris is giving the instructions and getting on them about not trying to look while he's giving the instructions Elisabeth sticks her hand in the ice cooler and pulls out the first egg  wrapped in a little baggie. The kids start flipping out making sure that egg doesn't count if it gets drawn for the $20.00 bill.  So funny.

Notice the poor starving college student.  Yes. She took this egg hunt very seriously.  There was twenty bucks at stake.

Elisabeth decided to make the Easter egg hunt a little more entertaining than it already was.  We had just taken off her Easter dress and before we knew it she had her diaper off and she was out the door butt naked streaking across the yard with a plastic bowl.  I think she was trying to rile her brothers and sister up and find more eggs. (And get the neighbor's attention which she accomplished.)

I couldn't have asked for a better Easter.  We got to worship our Risen Savior as a family with my mom joining us.  Sis was home.  Good food.  Great memories.  I can't imagine life without Christ. He is the Creator of love and laughter...and because He lives, we live. Truly live. Fully. Abundantly.

                                     What is up with the whole nose picking thing Elisabeth?!?!
                          
Oh, and just in case you were wondering.  Jonathan found the $20 egg.



Don't Pet the Animals

Spring break.  Ya' gotta love it.  80 degree weather at the very beginning to trick you into only packing warm clothes and no jackets so you can be totally un-prepared when the snow and sleet hit. I pretty much wore the same pair of jeans and sweats and my one sweatshirt I grabbed going out the door pretty much the whole six days.

Spring break. Completely triggers the "let's fight over as many stupid things as we possibly can- to get on every last nerve in mom's body" in kids.  Usually within the first 3 hours of the first day.

Spring break.  An excuse to consume 12 bags of chips and  13 Mountain Dew's while you play 14 hours of Xbox in the dark.  All to meet your Spring break goal of "beating the game."  Yes, that was my oldest son's goal of spring break.  I don't even want to put in writing how many hours he played to accomplish this.  I'm sure the back lash I would receive would sound like, "AND HOW MANY HOURS DO YOU LET YOUR SON PLAY VIDEO GAMES?!?!?!"  I plead the fifth.  It's spring break.  His daddy tries to keep him in check by saying, "You know son, when you get to heaven..." and Jonathan cuts him off quickly and says, "Jesus is gonna say DUDE......YOU are so COOL."

Spring Break.  Starting the day freezing cold.  Leaving for a petting/drive thru zoo thinking that surely it will warm up. But 3 hours later it's still freezing cold. You wrap your one year old in a blanket to pet the animals trying to make the trip worth while, as the smarter ones stay in the warm car and catch up on their sleep. (That would be the college students.)

Gentry Zoo - It was a petting zoo and drive-thru zoo all rolled into one.  Pretty cool place tucked back in NoWhere Arkansas. Now, we had 10 kids with us between the ages of 1 and 19.  Somehow all the little ones ended up in my van and the 4 oldest were in my dad's car.  Which was why probably the sign confusion. If there are signs up that say "Petting Zoo" and then other signs that say "Keep your Windows Rolled Up"  "Do Not Pet the Animals" - which ones are the little kids only going to see? Of course its the "Pet the Animals." And then for some reason they were the only ones who saw the signs that said, "Stick Your Fingers in the Animal's Mouth" and "Chase them in front of the workers." (Which they did the first 3 seconds we were there.- Has anyone else ever been kicked out of a zoo?)  The kids in my car only saw the latter two signs.  I got the privilege of seeing a camel poop 2 inches from my window.  What I didn't see was this little fat-bellied pig who parked himself in front of my van... and I had no idea if he had moved.  And I had just said,  "I wonder if any of these animals have ever been run over?" Lucky for little fat-bellied pig, he got out of my way.

Notice my nephew fingers  close to the camel's mouth.  This folks, is how kids end up on the news from zoo animal attacks.

Notice the baby lion licking his chops.  He's thinking "kid, I'm gonna be able to bite your head off just as soon as I get a little bigger!"

Crystal Bridges- FREE art museum on the spring snow day.  Except for the $12.50 you would have to pay to see the Norman Rockwell display which I had psyched myself up to see.  My sweet husband had totally offered to get me the ticket. But somehow knowing 10 kids were outside waiting for me and probably destroying the rest of the exhibits made me pass on this time. We took everyone through the free exhibits.  Did I mention we had at least 5 kids 10 and under.  And mostly boys? I promise you the five year old little boy could drag the rest of boys to every picture with a nakey bottom on display.  And then there was the giant life-size statue of the nakey woman.  And whose idea was to drag all these kids through this? Oh yeah, mine.

Chuck E. Cheese - Where we went when Crystal Bridges was a bust. (Literally...hahahaha!! okay, so the little boy sense of humor has rubbed off on me.  What did you expect?!?) All I'm gonna say that's its a great place to let your kids take care of your kid.  I had to convince Sarah that she would have a less likely chance of getting stuck in the tube with Elisabeth than ME. Besides, I had to sit down and nurse my old person's headache that I acquired the first five minutes I was there.

I told Jacob to play with her after she walked up to a stranger's game of bowling and took their ball and ran off with it.  I dropped a token in their cup along with an "I'm sorry, I wonder who's kid that is?" to make up for their interrupted game.

Good thing for Elisabeth she has older brothers and a sister.  Or her life would be way more boring than it already is.

Every day.  Full of fun, laughter, a few tears, a few fights but that is what spring break is all about.  Trying to keep all the kids occupied and happy in the snow and sleet,  and secretly envying all the Disney World and beach people who are posting all their glorious warm pictures on facebook. (My brother was one of those beach people.  I let him know he was missing out on so much fun in the cold at the zoo.) But I wouldn't trade it.  I had all my kids home. I was with a whole bunch of people I love. We spent our days with cousins and grandparents and aunts and uncles and friends and we ate and ate and ate.  We "swelled up like ticks" - as my sister told me after a big meal.  I swear she is so funny - she was quoting Honey Boo Boo all week.  (We just have so much to be proud of in the south don't we?)  We made our way home last night. We were not 5 minutes on the road and  little E had to puke all over the car.   Because of course no vacation would be complete without a kid puking in the car. And in Elisabeth style, she made sure of that!

My pictures and my times with all four kids together seem to be less and less.  That is what makes these kind of weeks so special.  

Mishaps, Mayhem and Ministry of Me&Mine: I Don't Know

Mishaps, Mayhem and Ministry of Me&Mine: I Don't Know: "I don't know." Words you hear from your kids when asked "who left the muddy foot prints all over your newly steam clean...

I Don't Know

"I don't know."
Words you hear from your kids when asked "who left the muddy foot prints all over your newly steam cleaned carpets?"  Or "whose Sonic cup is blowing around in the front yard?"  Or "whose moldy McDonald's milkshake cup is that still sitting in the back of the minivan leaving a long hardened drip down the cup holder?" (We apparently have cup issues in our family)

"I don't know."
Words you hear from your second graders when asked, "whose dirty socks are these laying by our reading table?" Or "Where is your math paper that I just passed out 5 minutes ago - did you eat it!?!"

 "I don't know"
Words you expect to hear from your kids on a daily basis.

"I don't know"
Words you do NOT want to hear from your child's doctors.  On a consistent basis.  When Elisabeth was 10 days old we stepped on some sort of medical merry-go-round and we can't seem to get off.  At 10 days old is the day she started to cry non-stop.  She had reflux in her kidney's.  She had horrible acid reflux.  She had to wear an apnea monitor that would keep going off.  She had rigid muscle tone.  She had two stays at Arkansas Children's Hospital.  She had an MRI in which she coded and crashed twice during the sedation process and easily could have died.  She had PICA disorder. She has horrible reactions to her immunizations.  She has been to speech therapy, physical therapy and occupational therapy.  She has had genetic testing. She has seen almost every specialist there is. And every single thing has seemed to work itself out despite the doctor's saying "Something is not quite right, we just don't know what it is." But God has had his hand on her every step.  Every moment.  She has far exceeded our doctor's expectations of what "could have been." 

 But she has had so many fluky things pop up in her little body.  I swear we used to be "let's just wait it out and see"- or- "have some chicken noodle soup and go to bed, you'll be fine eventually" kind-of-parents.  As in, we never took our 3 older kids to the doctor. (Except for the time that our famous son at the poisonous flower on a dare and when he started hallucinating and his pupils were big black saucers-we couldn't get to the ER fast enough)  And lucky for them, minus a few athletic injuries and ear infections, they haven't needed it.  But things haven't been quite right with Elisabeth from the beginning, and having four kids, well, you just know ...
But all the little fluky things that maybe we could have waited out, but we chose not too - has led to alot of "I don't knows..." from our doctor, and from doctors at Children's hospital. (I'm like, you people are the experts - we are paying you a ton of money for that expertise. What do you mean you don't know?!?!)

She has been struggling with low iron/anemia for 10 long months.  We discovered it when I drug her into the doctor when she was on her paper/dryer sheet/ carpet eating binge.  (That actually started this blog.  My very first blog ever was "My sister ate my homework")  She has been taking the maximum dose of iron and vitamin C a child can have. But for whatever reason, her body cannot store it.  We have taken so many blood tests I have lost count.  Her iron and red blood cell count will go up and down.  We thought it was going up and we have been on a 3 month respite from worry.  And it was wonderful.  Until Wednesday. She had been sick for almost a week so the doctor wanted to run another round of blood tests.  We found our her iron store level was at a 9 - and level 75 is considered normal.  So its now time to go to a hematologist.  I want to be done with all of this.  I want a child to be AS healthy as she looks.  I want to know that she is okay.  I don't want to hear "I don't know what's causing her iron stores to be low"  I don't want to hear "I don't know what has been causing these rashes for the last 3 months."  I don't want to go through one more round of tests that we won't have a concrete answer for and a solution to fix it.

I was surprisingly calm and at peace when her doctor told me that is was time to see a hematologist.  She told me she did not think it was cancer.  But she had no idea of what it could be. I've had a few days now to think about it, google it, try to figure it out and I make myself crazy.  I was at the mall yesterday with my mom and I became very sad when I couldn't find an Easter dress for E, because when we tried a sleeveless dress on her, she just looked so pale and sickly and I was done.  I  told my mom to pick something out later and surprise me (but please make sure it had sleeves or a sweater :)  She was cranky and had another full body spotty rash.  (I'm half way starting to wonder if maybe she's allergic to the iron.)

I will never forget when we were in the thick of her health problems as a baby, I was in my bathroom and just pleading and praying with God "Please heal her"  then a few seconds later it was, "At least please show the doctor's what is wrong."  And God so plainly spoke to me "I just want you to trust me through each step of this, even if you don't know the answers."  I can still hear those words.

This blog has ended up reaching  alot of people I have never met.  I have no idea who may in a similar circumstance with your child. A nagging medical problem that doesn't seem to go away.  Testing.  Waiting.  All mamma's worry.  The not-knowing is worse than the knowing.  It is a hard lesson in "keeping your mind under the control of Christ." 

Amidst the "I don't know's" is one thing I do KNOW.  He is God.

"Be still, and KNOW that I am GOD" ~Psalm 46:10

be still and don't worry.

He is God.

rest. wait. be at peace.

He is God.

stay off google.

He is God.

he loves my babies more than I ever will

He is God.

I can trust in him

He is God.

....And someday down the road when I find a half eaten pudding cup smeared all over the back seat of the minivan, I don't think I'll have to ask who did that - I have a hunch that I'll already know.

What Happens When You Don't Have a T.V.

What happens when you don't have a T.V.? Let me tell you.  A baby at 40 is what happens.  A crazy mess in your house is what happens.  I know that T.V. gets a really bad rap most of the time, but hey - for all the mom-saving sanity it allows, we should be nice to it once in a while.

About 2 years ago we made the big, agonizing, life rendering decision to get rid of  DISH Network.  It had been our best friend for about 13 years.  I remember when we first got it and Jonathan begged to stay home from pre-school so he could watch Blues Clues on Nickelodeon.  Twelve years later and about a billion hours of watching of 200 channels of nothing, and paying outrageously for it, we got rid of it.  Geez, now what were we gonna do for 6 hours a night?   My next statement will probably have my grandma readers droppin' there china cup mid-paragraph...but, all I'm gonna say is a couple months later of no cable is well....we found out we were pregnant with Elisabeth!    UPDATED BLOG: I posted this on twitter and Sarah tweets: @amyzluticky I could have lived without that first part mom. #yuck #ThingsYouShouldntSay - - so I was nice and crossed it out.

About 2 weeks ago Chris and I are in bed actually praying. (No, for real - I'm not even trying to make that up to cover the last revelation I just typed.)  All of a sudden we hear this zapping sound like a bunch of bugs are being fried in the mosquito zapper.  Chris gets up and checks and its our big box T.V. going out.  We get back in bed.  Start praying again.  Now it sounding like a lightning bolt zapping through every electrical outlet in our house.  He has enough respect to literally say "Excuse me Lord, just a minute" and runs out to the living room, I  jump up thinking our house is about to explode.  And what does my husband do? Stands in the middle of the living room and waves to the T.V. and sadly tells it goodbye. 

We only had Netflix - but guess who loves Netflix  more than anyone in this family?  Elisabeth.  It had her Barney and her stupid "Wheels on the Bus" episodes. (A grand total of 3.  I have them memorized word by word.)  Guess who was freaking out because the T.V. couldn't come on. Elisabeth.  Guess who no longer even gets a 30 minute break from this wild child because I can't plop her in front of it with a bag of popcorn.  ME!!!!!  Chris (and I do agree) that we are going to wait a little while before we get a new T.V. 

Thursday night it was just me and little E at home.  She was in a "mood" so I thought I would kill some time and burn off some of her energy and take her to the park.  I take her to this big ole' park and all she wants to do is play in the ditch next to the road.  Every time we are there.  She is obsessed with this ditch.  Only  its currently full of 3 ft of water!  I'm trying to have a decent conversation with my college age daughter (who needs her mommy too :) ) while chasing E around and trying to distract her from the ditch.  Fail.  She goes in and gets soaked with water up to her knees.  I load her up in the stroller and treck home. 

We get home and I take off her wet clothes.  I sink into the chair.  I know I am a whiner but I was really really tired.  Long day at school, and I think that was the first time I had really sat down all day.  I am seriously wanting to get up and lay hands on that T.V. and pray for a miraculous healing so I could sit my little girl's behind in front of it and I could relax for a few!!!

 I could hear Elisabeth rummaging around in the kitchen.  But I seriously cannot get up.  I was too tired.  (again - result of baby at 40) I'm mentally going through the kitchen trying to figure out if there was any sharp objects laying around she poke her eyes out with.

I should have got up.  She had taken off her diaper and poop and peed all over the kitchen floor.  (sorry, I know that's TMI)   I grab her, keep the dog away with my foot, try to clean it all up with paper towels, throw her in the sink and spray her down with the sprayer.

                                                       Mommy does not think this is funny.
Bath. Clean Jammies.  Mop floor.  Go and switch loads of laundry.  While I am switching laundry (2 minutes tops), E pulls down the dishwasher door, uses it to climb and reach the jar of pizza sauce on the kitchen counter.  She then dumps it in my dishwasher of clean dishes and on herself.  I am beside myself at this point.  She is licking it off her jammies.  Another bath.  Another floor to be mopped. 

Mommy really isn't laughing now.

I wanted to cry.  I wanted to scream.  I wanted to give up on parenting for a little bit.  I don't even bother to dress her when I was cleaning up.  When I was finished, she was sitting buck-naked on the couch reading the Bible with another Bible sitting in her lap.  I really wanted to cry then.  But for a different reason.  All the frustration with her from the night just melted at that moment.  I started to sing "Jesus Loves Me" - she started to smile and rock back and forth.  It was like God gave me that moment to let me know that it's all good, keep lovin' her, keep getting up, keep cleaning up.  My strength and patience were renewed to make it till' bedtime.  And if He can do that....then how bout' healing our T.V. Lord....



                                      Okay.  You know how to work it girl. You're forgiven.



What Doesn't Kill You, Only Makes You....EXHAUSTED!

Last night Chris wasn't feeling good.  His last words to me were "All I need is a good night's sleep..." and off to dreamland he went - at least that's where he thought he was going. My almost 18 month old daughter thought she would pull one her newborn-17 month stunts and wake up for a 1:00 a.m. feeding.  I got up, heated up a bottle of milk for her since she was probably still hungry after her supper of popcorn. I do what the books say - don't look at her, don't talk to her - just do your business and lay her back down.  I would make her skip a bottle at night but I have this really weird hang-up about my kid's being hungry and me not feeding them.  It's why we all look like we do, and even my classroom kids have picked up on this hang-up of mine.  All they need to say to me at any hour of the day is- "Ms. Z, I am really hungry..." and give me some pathetic starving Ethiopia eyes, and I'm digging in my desk looking for a pack of crackers to hold them over for awhile.  Anyway, I put E back in her bed and climb back into our bed - only to listen to her cry. And cry. And cry.  My girl can cry it out like nobody's business and make all those "sleep training" books look like a bunch of malarkey.  We get back up - another bottle.  Another dose of Benedryl.  A video on the Ipad.  By now its 3:30 a.m.   Chris was also up helping out with this scenario.  All I'm gonna say that about 4 bottles, 1 poop, 15 "Wheels on the Bus" episodes, 3 "cry it out's" later - at 5:30 A.M. THE LITTLE TOOT FINALLY FALLS ASLEEP!!!!  Chris has to be on the bus at 6:00 a.m.  I get up for school shortly after.  All I'm thinkin' is "this kid better wake up with 5 new molars popped through or a 106 degree fever or ...." Now of course I really wouldn't wish that upon her - but since she woke up at about 10:00 this morning all smiles - I think yet again she pulled another fast one on us.

Elisabeth exhausts me.  I have stooped to parenting techniques that I have sooooo judged others about.  She has never been a great eater (unless you count eating tables, paper, carpet etc...as part of her balanced diet.)

I found this bulletin in my Bible tonight.  It was from a couple Sunday's ago.  Elisabeth thought it would make a great snack.  Every once in a while - she likes to take a trip back to her pica paper eatin' days.

We put her high chair in front of the T.V.  We put an Ipad on the table while she eats.  This is so she will stay in her high chair more than 3 seconds and swallow more than 3 bites of food.  It's awful.  I am rolling over in my own grave and I'm not even dead yet.  But when you have this kind of kid - that no parenting book can even touch - you just do what you gotta do.

She's a climber now.  I'm actually glad she's reached that stage-  but with her curiosity, her absolutely no fear of anything, and her high tolerance for pain - she is danger with a capital D.  Her newest thing (which I discovered while I was taking a shower) is to climb on the toilet, hoist herself up to the sink, climb in the sink and reach and open the medicine cabinet.  This is what I thought was a really good hiding place for ya' know, things like razors and medicine.  I've caught her there several times and it's by the grace of God she hasn't poisoned herself, cut herself, all while falling off backwards and breaking her neck.  Needless to say, we now try to stay in the habit of keeping the bathroom door closed.

Parenting is just exhausting.  Parenting a toddler in your forties is beyond exhausting.  Medical issues can takes it toll, behavioral issues take their toll (contrary to popular belief -including that of our older children - we actually do discipline Elisabeth.  Ask her if she wants a spankin'.  Watch her shake her head "no" so hard it looks like those red curls might fall off). Sleepless nights from a new baby, an ornery toddler into everything and could be the poster child for early childhood ADHD (a.k.a Elisabeth), or a teen out past curfew doing Lord knows what- takes it toll.  Last night Early this morning, I am crying out to God for supernatural strength for Chris and I  to get through this day and do everything we need to get done.  And you know what? He is faithful.  His grace IS sufficient.  One day at a time, one hour at a time.  And when you think you won't make it through a rough spot, you do.  His grace is sufficient for the specific need you have for your specific child.  And at least everyone has at least ONE child that breaks the mold. Right?!?! 

I wonder if we named our late in life child "Elisabeth Grace" because subconsciously we knew how much grace we would need to get through her day to day shenanigans. But no matter what, we wouldn't have her any other way.

"My Grace is sufficient for you.  For my strength is made perfect in weakness."

2 Corinthians 12:9

Mishaps, Mayhem and Ministry of Me&Mine: From Chicken Carcasses to Chicken Gnocchi Soup

Mishaps, Mayhem and Ministry of Me&Mine: From Chicken Carcasses to Chicken Gnocchi Soup: The only two people who will probably appreciate this blog post is someone who can't figure out how to google Olive Garden's recipe for ch...

From Chicken Carcasses to Chicken Gnocchi Soup

The only two people who will probably appreciate this blog post is someone who can't figure out how to google Olive Garden's recipe for chicken gnocchi soup and my sister. My sister will appreciate it because she knows the long standing story of my mother's chicken carcass. So tonight I decided to clean out my "recipe book" cabinet. I had no idea the trip down memory lane I was about to embark on until I opened the cabinet and about 50 recipe cards, magazine clippings, and 25 "Butter Buster's and Fat Buster" cookbooks fell out.

The first recipe card I pulled out was written in my mom's handwriting. She must have given it to me at my wedding shower when all these ladies collected recipes for the new little wife that hadn't cooked a day in her life.  The meal was "Sandie's quick and easy homemade chicken soup."  The ingredients listed were: chicken carcass (w/meat and skin) and water.   Then she wrote me a whole front and back recipe card on how to boil a chicken carcass.  She even DREW A PICTURE of the pan I cook it in!!!!  OH MY GOSH! How stupid was I twenty years ago?!?!?!  (Don't ask that question to Chris.)

But tonight I got the best laugh over it.  I probably have not seen that card in 20 years.  The first thing I did was took a picture of it and text it to my sister.  Now I have to copy it and mail it to my sister.  I am still laughing an hour later over this.  Probably because my mom and chicken carcasses have been a long standing joke between us kids for years.  I don't know why - it's one of those "lovingly" private jokes you keep going behind your parents back even though you are all grown adults.  About a year ago my sister's family was down for a visit and staying with my mom.  I get a text.  It's a picture of a carcass in the crock pot mom had going for them.  We laughed all weekend over it.  I still have that picture saved on my phone.  I still laugh seeing it! (I guess you had to be there.) We all have those private family jokes -it's what makes a family!

The picture of the carcass that made me laugh out loud every time I looked at it on my phone.  I still have it on there. I cannot bring myself to delete it.

I thought I wouldn't need my cookbooks anymore since I now have a smart phone.  I am known to block 6 carts in the aisle at Walmart pulling up a recipe on my iPhone to get the list of ingredients off of.  (I don't do grocery lists.  Its  one out of at least 100 things about me that drives my husband nuts!) But these cookbooks I pulled out tugged at my little ole' heartstrings.  There was "Grandma Rose's cookbook" (Chris's mom)- again another wedding shower gift.  It was stuffed full of her handwritten recipe cards, and then all my magazine clippings I kept during life before Internet.  Then every church we have been on staff at, I have a cook book for.  (Baptist churches can put out some darn good cookbooks.)  What I love most about those is the name's attached to each recipe.  And the memories made around people's dining room table's eating those meals.  Oh man, if I could go back in time and have dinner with them again.  You just cannot get that same nostalgia with an Ipad sitting on your counter with a recipe pulled up on it.

"Grandma Rose's cookbook" - full of goodies

Brookline Baptist, Grace Baptist, First Baptist - if it has "Baptist" written anywhere on that book you know those are recipe's from people that can cook!! And I sure do love every person attached to every recipe in those books - so here's a shout out to all of our past church family!

But I'm not gonna bash Internet recipe's too much.  Where else would I have found the copy cat recipe for Olive Garden's Chicken Gnocchi soup?!?!  Here it is.... Let me have this disclaimer first.  I "amy-fied" it.  Meaning, I combined two recipes together with what I thought was the best ingredients from each. So it's really not tried and true Olive Garden soup - it's thicker - but oh man, it is just as good.

Here it is:

"Amy-fied Chicken Gnocchi Soup from Olive Garden"

Ingredients:

1 pound boneless skinless chicken breast cut into cubes

1/3 cup butter divided

1 small onion chopped

1 medium carrot shredded (Do you need a picture of that dear?)

1 celery rib chopped

2 garlic cloves minced

1/3 cup flour

3 1/2 cups milk

1 1/2 cups of heavy whipping cream  (oh yeah!!!)

chicken bullion cubes

ground pepper

1 16 ounce package of potato gnocchi (can find at Greenwood Walmart - miracle in itself)

1/2 of chopped fresh spinach (I used frozen)

Spices I added to it from other recipe:

1/4 tsp of Thyme

1/2 of parsley flakes

1/4 tsp of nutmeg

"Amy-fied directions"

Cook chicken in butter - set aside

In same pan add more butter, onion, garlic, celery, carrots, spices, cook until soft

In a big round pan (this is where my mom would draw a picture) - put chicken and veggies in, add milk, flour and cream - bring to boil, then add spinach and gnocchi.  Then I kept adding chicken broth because it was so darn thick - When I got it to the consistency I wanted I ate three bowls and then went to bed with a big fat tummy ache.

And even though I got this recipe off the Internet,   (Just in case I am supposed to put this: I got the recipe off of tasteofhome.com and copykat.com) I still have some really great memories of this soup - (the actually Olive Garden soup that is) - One of the best dinners ever with one of my dearest friends.  (See my past blog "Six Water's Please" if you want that story.)

So there you have it.  I even stopped my cleaning out the cabinet to write this blog.  I better get back to work.  Because the second thing out of 100 that drives my husband nuts about me is that I like to piddle when I do a job.  Which then makes a 15 minute job turn into a 5 hour job.  And right now this job of organizing two little shelves of cookbooks has gone on for about 2 hours.

There ya go folks - my Chicken Gnocchi Soup - a billion calories of cold-weather yumminess!

My Top Five New Year Resolutions

Here are my top 5 new year resolutions:

(hey, we all make em' and break em' -usually in the first week)

1.  Do not cut my daughter's hair.

Ever.  No matter how tempted I am. Especially when it's a week before a major holiday in which a zillion pictures will be taken. May this picture be splashed across my mind the second I am tempted to do a little snippy clippy while she is watching Barney.  It's never just a snippy clippy.  Its a choppy floppy. This year I will take the time to call a professional.

Oh man, I really botched it bad this time - I even tried to put a bow in it to make it look like I purposely pulled it all back but of course she would have none of that!

2.  Eat healthy

 As in 1500 calories a day healthy for me and my man.  We have major weight to lose before our big extended family cruise in June.  Oh, and to be healthy enough to keep raising kids for another 18 years. Those two reasons should be flipped in order of importance - but vanity won out for the moment I was writing this.

3.  Find new and healthy recipes that my husband and boys will like. 

I know this is an extension of number 2 but I need 5 goals to make myself feel like I am really accomplishing something great this year.  I swapped turkey bacon for real bacon on Jan 1 and I had no idea it would bring on an hour long interrogation from my sons.  Them: "What IS turkey bacon? Now WHAT is turkey bacon? WHAT is THAT in the pan-turkey bacon?" Me: Oh my gosh!!! All I know its 35 calories a slice verses 500 so just eat it already!!!!.  Jan 2- I make Weight Watchers Garden Vegetable Soup.  I feel really old.  I remember my mom making this exact recipe when I was little and I thought it looked and smelled gross.  I did not make my boys eat tonight's  soup.

4. SLEEP

Meaning: my one year old needs to sleep.  Excuse me, I meant my almost 17 month old needs to sleep - more than 3 hours at a time. And quit her 3 a.m. "lets all sit on the couch and watch Barney and eat popcorn till its time for Daddy to get up and drive the school bus." And I bet 99% of you are shaking your heads and saying "just don't get her up, let her cry it out, blah blah blah..." (I am saying the blah, blah, blah with utmost respect :) )  We know all the answers, we just don't do them.  What works for almost every other kid on this planet doesn't work for our little E. Except for those parents where Benedryl is also their best friend. The neurologist told us a few weeks ago we will probably need to discipline her differently than our other kids.  But did he even expand one breath further in that sentence?! Nope! So we are left to figure it out on our own.  In the mean time, a little rest would be nice.

5.  Have a DAILY quiet time

I'm not even talking about sleep here.  But a "quiet time." That youth-ministerish lingo used for telling kids to read their Bible each day. It seems I am almost consistently in prayer (as is anyone with 4 children) but I lack in the dwellng on God's word.  I have to say I was so much more faithful in my quiet times when I was in high school then I am now.  I tried to read my Bible through in a year last year - and once I lost my little Bible reading sheet about the 3rd week of January - that plan flew out the window.  So this year I am going to try and tackle one book a month.  I am starting with Psalms.  Which was probably the most appropriate scripture for me to choose yesterday.  It was like God turned to the page himself. Psalm 1 "His delight is in the law of the Lord and on his law does he meditate day and night... whose leaf does not whither...and whatever he does prospers..."  What a perfect passage to start the new year. I actually have some deeply personal goals that I am not quite ready to throw out there in the blogging world.  But this verse spoke specifically to those goals I have for my marriage, our ministry, my dream.  May this year His Word be "a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path..."

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!