Never say Never

There was a brief period when I thought I was done having kids. When we had finally gotten out of that "toy" stage, I was actually a little sappy - taking pictures of what I thought would be the last time little action figures would be strategically placed around our living room. I thought I had stepped on my last dang Lego. Goodbye  "toy days" -  Hello sleep- in-whenever-you-want-days.  Then Boom! Kid #4 comes along at age 40. And now she is three and we are in the full blown, mess making, tornado of toys.

A few years ago I would see commercials for the most hideous toys, like Monster High Dolls for instance. Then I would think like I'm all that and a bag of chips perfect parent : "Who the heck thought this up and who would actually BUY it? Who wants a creepy, scar-faced monster doll?!?! I would never, ever, ever buy that for my child!!!" Well, apparently enough people bought them because they are still selling them.

I swear the marketing for toys has been upped about a billion notches on Nick and Disney and can coach a three year old into sneaking the phone, and buy some balloon looking Wubble - Wooble - Whatever - Ball for ONLY $8.95 plus $300.95 shipping and handling. And Elisabeth is their target. Like, they might as well pop out of the T.V. and tease her with it till she has a meltdown and I fork over the money to get her off my case about buying it. They are THAT good. I just spent forty bucks on purple moon sand. So trust me, I talk from experience.  When you asked E what she wanted for Christmas, she would say "EVERYTHING." Meaning, everything she saw on every commercial for the last 4 months.  For real. (The child needs to have Radical by David Platt read to her for a bedtime story for the next 5 years.)

But the granddaddy of all presents, of ALL marketing schemes, of ALL the crazy, most stupid toys out there -  my 3 year old daughter was HOOKED, OBSESSED, BRAINWASHED into wanting a doll called "Diaper Surprise" by Lalaloopsy. Which is code name for not only do "I look like a space alien" but the DOLL POOPS OUT CHARMS THAT YOU WEAR ON A BRACELET!!!!!

She continually asked for this. She couldn't say the real name, which was "Diaper Surprise" so she would just call it the "poop charms doll." Then we off-handedly said "maybe for Christmas." Well, that meant "I am getting this for Christmas" and it's all she has talked about for 3 months. I found the last one of the shelf at Walmart and I made Jacob go buy it when she wasn't looking.  He's like, "Mom. THAT was awkward."  There was no way that if this was the one toy she was going to fixate on, then I wasn't about to ruin her Christmas by having a boring old regular doll baby under the tree.

So every time she would see Santa (but totally refuse to sit on his lap) he would ask what she wanted for Christmas. And this is how their conversations went:

 

Santa: "What do you want for Christmas little girl?"

Elisabeth: "I wanna poop charms!"

Santa: "You wanna what?"

Me intervening at this point:  "Well, SHE isn't going to poop the charms out, it's this really weird DOLL  that poops out charms....."

Santa: a very awkward pause and then a "HO HO HO HO.... NEXT?!?!?!"

 

And I would walk away with my crazy little E saying "maybe for Christmas...."

 

When we left milk and cookies for Santa last night I asked her what she wanted to say to Santa and she told me to write "ME WANT POOP CHARMS".  Thank you Jesus I bought that doll.



 

Well, even though Santa did not want to engage in a conversation about pooping out charms, he did not disappoint. Christmas morning, the one gift Santa left our little E was POOP CHARMS!!

 

 

 

And let me just tell you, that doll is every bit as weird, and gross as you can imagine. And she totally LOVES it. This is how it works.  You give the baby a bottle with water. Then you push it's belly button. Then it goes pee-pee in this little diaper.  Well, in this diaper is a charm that is hidden behind this paper that supposedly dissolves when it gets wet. Only it doesn't dissolve all the way and you have to dig this slimy wet charm out of a slimy wet mess in the diaper.

 

WHO THINKS THIS STUFF UP!?!?! WHO?!?!!!!

 

 So you have to wipe off the charm and then stick it on this bracelet. That you proudly wear on your wrist.  And since it can only poop it out once, you can buy a 3 pack of surprise diapers to keep your lovely collection going. And have I mentioned she loves it!!!  Elisabeth also gets a kick out of this doll going tee-tee pretty much on demand. During Christmas dinner she held the doll over our cooler of ice and had it go tee-tee and she thought that was pretty funny to get a rise out of everybody standing around the cooler. 

 

 

So anyway, when you ask E what she got for Christmas and she says "poop charms" - you now know the story behind it.  I can't believe Santa is suckered into buying that stuff.

 

 

We buy crazy things, and do crazy things, because we love like crazy,  OUR KIDS.  Seriously, I love this little girl (and my 3 other kids) so much that I would give up my life for them. (Or a paycheck or two to buy ridiculous toys so they won't be disappointed and have a happy Christmas). But God's love for us is even more than what we have for our kids. That's why he gave up his son. That's why He gave us the BEST gift of all - Jesus.  Who is the TOTAL reason for this CHRISTmas season.

 

 

Matthew 1:21

"And she shall bring forth a son, and you shall call his name Jesus; for he shall save his people from their sins."

 

Merry Christmas!

 xxoo Amy





When Your Child IS the Bully

Recently Elisabeth was around a small group of kids acting like her crazy little self.  I overheard someone jokingly say, "We all KNOW that Elisabeth IS the bully!" Even though we all had a good laugh and I readily agreed, the words still stung.

Elisabeth has been a bully.  And let me tell you, since I have been a teacher I have heard the word "bully" used only about a thousand times a week. I have had kids report bullying to me and its because someone didn't give them their pencil back or "made a mean face" at them.  And then I have had some heart-breaking, how-can-a-seven-year-old-even-think-or-say-those-things kind of situations that made me kick in full teacher mode and  had me practically running to the counselor's/principal's office.  But what do you do when it's your OWN child? And they really ARE a bully?

I will never forget when I took Elisabeth to the mall playland for the very first time.  And she BIT a child in the FACE. Seriously. Like I died on the spot.  The precious little Hispanic girl had no idea, (God forbid)  that standing on the same ladybug as the white child with flaming red hair could possibly leave her face permanently scarred for life! I was grabbing E, comforting the bit child, and trying to communicate with her parents THAT COULD NOT SPEAK ENGLISH. Could the situation even get any more embarrassing!?!?! I'm trying to profusely apologize and offer them anything - can I buy you dinner? Can I sign over my paycheck? Do you need you need a kidney?  They were very kind (or scared of me too) and just smiled and nodded and went their way.  I quickly put E is the stroller, let her know we were leaving because she was being mean and stayed away from the playland for another 6 months.

Attempt at playland #2.  Chick-fil-a.  Same story, different child.  I am inwardly thinking I am going to wake up one night with playland parents standing over me in my bed with weapons in their hands.

Wait several more months and try again. Yay! Success. No one knows how I floated out of the playland on cloud nine because my child actually played and did not bite, tackle, yank on clothes or pull hair of another child.  I was thinking we were out of the woods. Until....

A couple months ago I take her to Bell Park.  For some reason we were the only two at home so I decide to make a special night of it.  We were going to have a "pizza picnic".  I stop and get pizza and she starts clapping in the back seat and chanting "mommy day! mommy day!" and my heart is melting and we are having this totally mushy gushy lovey moment and my heart is wanting to bust open with joy. We are eating, playing, having fun.

 

But you see all this preciousness and cuteness and fun we were having at the park?!?! That promptly ended when the wedding let out. And about 50,000 kids start running towards the play equipment.  (The park is known for it's weddings.)  Our first disaster is when she spots this other two year old little girl.  And wouldn't you know she was Hispanic. (And I am sooooooo lucky they are so nice.) E and her new friend look like they are playing nice and I am looking at my phone  distracted for a brief second and I hear all this screaming and crying and I jump up to see E has this cute little dressed up girl in a CHOKE HOLD! E is holding her tight and saying "My baby! My baby!" and this child's brother and sister are trying to pry E's arm off her and they are saying in their broken English with their eyes as big as saucers "NO! MY BABY! MY BABY" I'm like, OhMyWordJesusHelpMe.  Once again, I met a different set of parents, and all kids were separated and the "baby" was returned to her parents safe and sound and thank-you-Jesus with no bite marks.  I am trying to gather up our stuff and E walks past this boy who is about 9 and just punches him flat out in the stomach.  For no reason.  And let me tell you our lovey, dovey, mushy, gushy moment was SO over for the night. I walked away again discouraged. Walked away kind of freaking out. Kind of praying. Kind of fretting that my child was going to be friendless for the rest of her life. 

 

But let me tell you. It's like the light bulb came on. It's like Elisabeth has figured out she will never see another park again if she couldn't figure out how to get along with others. And we have had several months of good reports in Sunday school. Positive play times at the park.  And we have played on ALL the toys at the mall and McDonalds with no incidents. (Except the McDonald's old lady sock police who got us because she was barefoot on the slide.)  I'm not saying she is never going to bite again, or hit.  I'm just saying I know we have turned a MAJOR CORNER.

 

I really don't like airing out my child's dirty laundry on a blog. But I want to encourage the parents with a child like mine. And encourage those good parents out there that get that dreaded call from the teacher or principal, "Your child has been a bully today..."  And inform parents who watch aggressive children with horror and judgment in their eyes that trust me,

 

~ We watch with as much horror as you do when we see our child hurt another

 

~ We ARE disciplining, worrying, praying, doing everything we can to the best of our ability and knowledge and sometimes they STILL act that way.

 

~Sometimes there is other stuff going on behind-the-scenes...environmentally or medically

 

~We are really sorry, and I mean from the bottom of our hearts sorry, that your child has been hurt by ours.

 

And mamma's -  there is ALWAYS HOPE

 

~ Your child could outgrow it

~ Your discipline will work

~the environment could change

~the doctors will help

~Jesus will change their heart

~Your prayers are being heard. Every single word of them.

 

This is why God gave parents the ability to love unconditionally. You love your child when no one else does. You love that child through their ugliest, most painful moments.  Because God gave that child to you and no one else.  And that is exactly how God loves us. Through our worst sinful times Jesus was still there arms open wide, taking us back, forgiving us.  No one is un-redeemable. Everyone can change. Whether it is a two year old, a teenager or those twenty-somethings.  So be encouraged my dear friend in the trenches of parenting.

 

And back to my sweet little E.  She's had a rough go from the start.  I can't even begin to tell you what she has overcame, the therapies she has worked hard at (and can I just excitedly say, has tested out of all of them!), the early diagnosis' from doctors that she has proved wrong. I am so excited for her three year old check up to say, "Look! Look what Jesus did! Look how great she is doing!!!"  She is now a happy, healthy, almost 3 year old - who can give lots of love, bring more joy to a family than ever thought possible, and can still give her older brothers a punch or two - but only when they deserve it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Parenting: What I am NOT good at

Let me just tell you up front that one of my worst parenting flaws is that I am NOT a good potty-trainer.  You would think that since I am 43, and have already raised 3 children - that kid #4 would be a piece of cake. Contraire Mon Frère.

If diapers were free, I would be sending my child to kindergarten in them and let the teacher potty train her.

My first child Sarah doesn't count.  The girl potty trained herself.  That shouldn't surprise you since she is the one that came out of the womb already reading at a 3rd grade level. I remember dragging her to the doctor BEFORE her 3rd birthday because when she was writing her ENTIRE name she made her S backwards and I thought something was wrong with her. I thought she might have dyslexia. Oh my gosh I was such an idiot. Now that I'm a teacher I see that kids in SECOND GRADE still sometimes make a letter backwards and it's no big deal. Someone please go back in time and slap my 23 year old self around a little bit for not giving the two year old a break on her backwards S.   Seriously, one day I think I just saw her sitting on the potty and that was it. No more diapers. I'm like, "oh yeah! I'm so good....call me supermom...."

Then. I have 2 boys. I'm talking they were 3 1/2 years old and I started begging God to perform a miracle of potty training before the next holiday so all the extended family would not see me changing a practically full grown child's diaper.  And God heard my prayers. But not until after that embarrassing preschool moment when I did try to sneak Jonathan in with a pull-up. I thought surely he would not doody in the short 2 hours he was there.  But nope! I was found out. I begged the teacher to let him continue and "he-was-almost-potty-trained-I-promise-just-give-me-another-6-months."  With Jacob I had to practically  buy out the toy aisle of Dollar General to motivate him.

Now I get to do it all over again.  And again. And again.  I thought Elisabeth was potty-trained 20 boxes of diapers ago.  This child makes nothing in our life easy and she's not going to help us out now.  She knows how to go, when to go, what to do etc... but this is what potty training her looks like:

 Potty training is just one big party for her. A mess just waiting to be made.  Toilet paper is so much fun to unroll, shred, put in the toilet over and over and over.  Its so much fun to wash our hands 20,000 times and use half a bottle of soap. Its so much fun to have mommy chase you around the house waving a pair of panties around.  The one and only time I take her out in big girl panties she floods the aisle at Walmart. She is choking on a chip so she could purposely make an audience for herself - I'm letting the group of concerned grandma's standing around my cart know that yes, she was okay...and then WHOOSH...let the floodgates open.  Bring out the mops and caution wet floor signs. It's going to be awhile before I am brave enough to try that again.

 

This is our conversation a couple days later. AT 4:00 A.M. 

 

She crawls over in bed and pats my face

Elisabeth:" Mommy! Mommy! Tee-Tee! Go Tee-Tee!"

Me: " Just go in your diaper"

Elisabeth: "NOOOoooooooo - tee tee! toy-wet (toilet)"

Me:  NO! It's 4:00 a.m.! Go in your diaper!

Elisabeth: NOOOOOO! TOY-WET!!

Me: "Okay, Okay... you will tee-tee on the floor at Walmart but get mommy out of bed at 4:00 in the morning to go in the toilet."

Elisabeth goes in potty like she has been doing it for years

Me: "Yay! What a big girl!!!" (roll eyes- fake smile)

 

We all have things we do really well as a parent and some things we don't do so well. I think parenting toddlers is one of the most difficult things in life to do (and then repeat for teenage years). It requires a massive, almost un-humanlike amount of patience. That un-humanlike patience can only come from one place - the Holy Spirit. Whether you are putting a diaper on your toddler this morning or big girl/boy panties (Okay - boys don't wear panties), or you are telling your teenager for the thousandth time to unload the dishwasher, or your battles are much much bigger (and I hurt for you) - As a mamma,  we need to make sure we are putting on this every. single. day. It's our survival. It will allow our kids to survive. 

 

"Clothe yourselves, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, with compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness and patience..." (Colossians 3:12)

 

And what's on my imaginary grocery list today? (because remember, I don't do grocery lists) - But of course, a box of diapers! Only 3 years till kindergarten.

Words



"I'm sick mamma, really sick."

 

Words you don't want to hear from your child, especially when she is literally halfway across the world.

 

"I found this lump in my breast mamma, while I was sick in India."

 

Words you thought you would never hear coming from your 20 year old daughter.

 

"I'll be right back ladies..."

 

Words you do not want to hear from a lab technician doing an ultrasound on your 20 year old daughter.

 

"It should be me laying there and not you."

 

Words I say to my daughter that is getting an exam that is 30 years too early.

 

"The tumor I see is abnormal. We will schedule you a biopsy as soon as we can. The biopsy is 7:30 a.m. the day after tomorrow."

 

Words you never thought you would hear concerning one of YOUR children.

 

"This day did not turn out how I expected."

 

Words the doctor said after a grueling six hours in his office.

 

"Babe.., it's not good. This is crazy.I can't even believe it."

"It's gonna be okay. We will get through it.  Tell Sarah I love her."

 

Words spoken on the phone between two parents.

 

"Babe, the realtor called and we just sold the house.  We ARE gonna be okay. We WILL get through this."

 

Words you don't want to hear 30 minutes after finding out your child might have cancer.   When you have no place to go.  When you have no back up plan.  When you have to be out in 4 weeks.

 

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27)

 

Words I easily wrote on someone's facebook post.  And two days later they are words that I had no idea I would be clinging to with everything I am.  Words that I say, words that I know, but are they words I believe, truly believe?

 

"Yes Lord.  Through my fear. I trust you.  Through my countless tears. I believe you.  Through the sleepless night, I feel you there."

 

Words I spoke to my Lord.

 

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"And she had breast cancer and her hair fell out, and her eyebrows fell out, and she did the whole thing on national TV!!!"

 

Careless Words spoken from a group of older women sitting next to a nervous girl and her parents in the waiting room...waiting for her name to be called for a biopsy.

 

" Hey Hon, you need to tie your shoe!"

 

Words spoken from the same group of women, as my daughter was walking back to her biopsy. Those words only let me know that yes, that is my baby walking back there. Wasn't it only yesterday I was tying her shoes? 

 

"I would pay a trillion dollars to let this be me and not you."

 

Words any mother would say to her daughter.

 

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"Have you heard from the doctor?!?!?! I am a bundle of nerves!"

 

Words sent across the phone from a mom to a dad, a wife to a husband.

 

"What's wrong Mrs. Zluticky? Why are your eyes watering? Are you okay?"

"I don't know, maybe I have allergies..."

 

Words spoken between teacher and student.  Asked by a child who is all too familiar with pain and can sense it in others. 

 

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

 

Words that I still believe.  Even though it is hard.

 

 "It's benign."

 

The only words we wanted to hear from the doctor's mouth. And we did.

 

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"The doctor agreed to see you.  Get her here now."

 

Words that are such a relief after still messing around with what has made her so sick from India.

 

"I am finally starting to feel better. I'm going back to school"

 

Words spoken from a girl, after just flying home from half-way around the world, did nothing but face a week and a half of poking, prodding, needles, and doctors. Handling it all with the grace and beauty and strength of someone who believes.

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That has been our last two weeks.

Totally unexpected.

 

I don't know why God allowed us to have a good outcome when so many wonderful families do not.

 

I do know that as a family in ministry, we meet so many hurting people. Families in crisis. Families who do not get a good report. Families without hope. And it is so easy to give them scripture. 

 

Sometimes we need to be brought to the place where we know how it feels to hurt.  We know how it feels to be scared. Really scared.  We are faced with the scripture and Jesus gently asks,  "Do you REALLY believe what you say? What I say?"  

 

Yes. With humble and grateful hearts, we do.

 

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The Corndog Mom

I got such a sweet surprise from my husband for Christmas - a brand spankin' new laptop.  If you follow my life at all, you already know or wouldn't be surprised  that Elisabeth picked half the keys off my really old laptop.  It got really hard to type with my ghetto-rigging of the broken keys and all.  And he got it just so I could blog. And look at facebook. And watch Netflix in bed. Ya know, everything a laptop was meant for.

 I am so excited and have been thinking of how I could re-do my blog to make it more helpful/useful/not-just-mindless-funny-stories. Blogs are obviously everywhere and I have read some blogs of incredible  moms out there who are cooking like, food dug up straight from the ground that their 3 year old planted. Then they put a recipe up, in which their beautiful potato is somehow made into a hamburger, photographed on a really cool earthy looking plate - with a perfectly clean house in the background!!!

 

But look what my two year old can do! She is learning how to roll a ball of cookie dough in a big bowl of sugar!!! But before you judge, please notice my big bowl of uneaten fruit in the background. Its right past the dirty towel and behind the casserole still left out from breakfast - 6 hours ago. I promise I try.

This is probably the best to what I can contribute to the food blogging world - a frozen corndog on a paper plate. Photographed in my always messy kitchen, on top of my oh-so-attractive, whitish, marblish, 70's laminate countertop.  My kids will never go hungry even though I have killed every possible garden like vegetable that I have tried to plant in my ground before it barely got bigger than a seed. They will never go hungry because I always have a big box of corndogs in my freezer.

There are blogs that show all these really cool artsy-fartsy "re-purposed" crafts. Gals who find something like a dresser at a garage sale, (that currently looks like the one I have in my boys room) then strips it down, pulls out drawers, gives in a fresh coat of paint and WA -LA - Its now a dresser-turned-toddler bed that looks like it came from a Pottery Barn catalog. I try to make a prop for a puppet show and Elisabeth gets involved. So I try to be the sweet, patient, creative mom and let her make one.  What happens is she gets glue all over the table, chairs, and floor.  I loose it and when she starts walking and leaves glue footprints on the carpet and I yell.

 Then 4 weeks later I lovingly wrap up this little craft with a sniffle and put it in a box marked "Elisabeth's first craft she made all by herself."  (And we just won't mention the ugly yelling part of the night.)

There are teaching blogs.  I'm not even going there. (I do not want to incriminate myself on the world wide web.)  And deep spiritual blogs. Well, that is the type of blog my husband would write.  If he would blog. But he won't. (Like he doesn't tweet either and his FB posts are always just youth announcements.  (C'mon babe. How boring is that?!?! I will gladly post some funny things for you. - I've seriously offered but he won't let me.  I wonder why?!?!)

If you are any of these bloggers I commend you.  I think you are awesome.  Seriously.  Some of you guys are half my age and already got it together on the whole parenting/cooking/housewife thing.  I look up to you.

My blogs are just about every day real life. The life of a corndog mom. That even though I am going to do my best to feed my kids healthy foods, you will still see pizza rolls and corn dogs in my freezer.  My 2 year old is a crazy little mess.  In the course of a ten minute phone conversation about therapy services she receives, she dumped out all hundred jillion Apples to Apples cards all over the floor, throws a whole tin of Dominoes across the room and then runs in the bathroom and smears my Clinique foundation all over the toilet seat.  I'm pretty sure she thought it was fingerpaint.  DARN EXPENSIVE fingerpaint little girl. I'm not kidding. My boys are these awesome cool Jesus-loving young men who play too many video games and put silly putty all over their face and inevitably winds up in their hair.  Their little sister gets ahold of it and it ends up in her hair! That I have to cut out! And I yell - again.

I have about 50 goals in my head for this coming new year.  And most of them involve becoming a better mom, wife, daughter of the King. Some of ya'll have it down. But a lot of you out there are like me - making the best out of a messy, unorganized, chaotic life.  But I know I must keep trying.  I must "run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus- the author and perfector of our faith..."(Hebrews 12:1-3) Trying to do what is best and right for my family.  Eating healthy, getting the two year old on a schedule, being a godly example to my teenagers.

So my blogs in 2014 will just be more of me - writing about the mishaps, mayhem and ministry of these people I love.  Happy New Year!!!

 

See, taking a good family pic is next to impossible with this crew! It's complete with our dog's behind in the background.